Critical Film Condition

Oh, God, it’s getting hard to find good comedies…

I’ll keep this one short for the sake of humanity.

I mean, the ONLY thing that could save this movie was Anna Farris, but she is clearly so miscast as an ex-Playboy bunny who gets kicked out of the Playboy mansion by Hugh Hefner and becomes the house-mother of the least popular sorority of… Somewhere, that I fear she manages to pull the movie down even further.

I loved Farris in the “Scary Movie” series. But her character is built upon such a low IQ that it just stops being funny, well, even before the movie started. Her sorority colleagues are such misfits (and two of them look like trannies) that you pity them instead of laughing at them (laughing FROM them would be too much to ask).

Anyway, the plot is gullible, the acting sucks (even though Colin Hanks does try to take it out of the shitter when he gets screen-time) and a good premise for a comedy gets thrown in the trash because somebody thought that the very petite Anna Farris could play a Playboy model… And make her completely retarded in the process.

In the words of Kirk Lazarus: you never go full retard.

Popularity: 2%

It shouldn’t bee too challenging for Brazilians to review “Elite Squad”. It won the Golden Bear at the Berlin Film Festival in 2008 and being Brazilian WE’RE TOTALLY BIASED.

And, contrary to what you might believe, that I might go the other way and totally bash this movie just for the sake of bashing something on a Monday night, I am going to tell you why “Tropa de Elite” is such a good movie.

Now, I am not gonna waste any strength elaborating on the piracy problem this movie suffered in my homeland… It’s just not worth it and it doesn’t add anything to the quality of the final product (which is much better than the pirated copy).

“Elite Squad” is set in 1998 Rio de Janeiro, where, preceding the pope’s visit, the captain of an elite squad of the Rio Military Police is assigned to clean up the slums so that John Paul II doesn’t get shot in the head in Brazilian soil. Captain Nascimento’s only problem is, he’s about to become a father, and he’s gotten tired of the war. So it becomes his task to find a worthy substitute to keep on the fight against the drug-lords.

Where “City of God” was criticized by it’s sensationalism, “Elite Squad” nails the realistic approach dead on by displaying a Brazil that has been corrupted by its people, not just a select group. Where all teenagers thought that smoking a little joint was an act of freedom from the system, but forgot that by doing so they are financing another system that is responsible for the deaths of many. It shows that by simply ignoring the problems and embracing a feeling of lack of guilt, the people of Brazil are now being threatened by the same problems that they chose to turn away from many years ago. And in this case, “Elite Squad” is both a brilliant and valiant attempt at showing the world Brazil’s true colors. A land of corrupt and thieves, but where a few good men take it upon themselves to try and maintain what is left of peace.

“Elite Squad” is brilliantly directed by José Padilha, who had a career in Documentary Film Making and is, as you are reading this review, in charge of directing “The Sigma Protocol”, based on a Robert Ludlum book (yes, the guy from the Bourne trilogy). Padilha finds the balance between good realistic storytelling, and heart pumping action, assisted by Phil Nelson, Stunt Supervisor in Ridley Scott’s “Black Hawk Down”. In Nascimento, the screenwriter creates both an anti-hero and a myth in Brazil, a man who makes the meanest drug-lords back down, but feels helpless when he gets home and sees his pregnant wife. Wagner Moura helps give the character some more depth, and while other actors fail to achieve such a level, it never hurts the story.

“Elite Squad” is well-rounded Brazilian production, but it exceeds all expectations with its sharp storytelling, great action scenes, and amazing acting by Wagner Moura. It shows Brazil with all its cruelty, without spoiling it like “City of God” and showing that, if you feel scared walking down Copacabana at night, it means you damn well should be… Even worse, it’s all your fault.

Popularity: 2%

Osu!

This is going to be the first Anime review on criticalfilmcondition.com, so why not start with a must see classic?

If you already know the original series, watching this movie is like watching ”The Dark Knight”, after a “Joel Schumacher-nipple-batman-marathon”! No flashy colors, no special attacks that require shouting out it’s name, no annoying filler episodes. Instead, you get a much darker and more realistic theme, that serves as the prologue to the whole series and can be watched with no former background of the series whatsoever!

The story takes place in mid 19^th century Kyoto, during the dying years of the Tokugawa Shogunate, which ruled Japan for the last 260 years. Clans loyal to the imperial family plan to overthrow the Shogunate and restore the Emperor’s power.

Thrust into this commotion is the young Kenshin, a former slave boy who is now being raised by the wandering swordsman Hiko Seijuro. Unlike his master, the idealistic Kenshin is not able to simply sit by and idly watch as the disturbances and suffering increase and decides to side with the imperial forces. Initially unknown to him, his idealism causes others to suffer and so turns him into a disillusioned tool for the purposes of the higher-ups, until he meets Tomoe, a young woman from Edo, whose ultimate personal goals may first be somewhat elusive and shifting…

Unlike e. g. “The last Samurai”, this movie grips any romantic images you might have about “Samurai-Japan” and breaks them on the spot; if you expect any form of bushido, honor and loyalty, forget about them, because this movie focuses on the life and development of a former pragmatic/idealistic slave boy, now turned assassin in the midst of an ongoing revolution. This can only serve as the outer frame of the plot though and indeed, as the story progresses, some introspective elements of the movie make for a nice change of pace and give the characters enough room to develop.

What would be a movie about the end of medieval Japan, without any sword-fighting? And sure enough, the swordplay is one of the main themes and definitely a strong point of this Anime! You haven’t seen sword-fights, until you’ve seen the quick and intense battles of this movie; and with “quick and intense battles” I don’t mean “holy crap! They’re fighting so fast you don’t see the swords anymore, just a blur of strokes!!”. No, I mean fights that are over, after 5 seconds (of course there are fighting sequences that take longer than this, but I never said there weren’t all out battles between several enemies or troops ^^). When there is a crossing of swords, the choreography, animation and directing let’s you actually see what happened in these 4 strokes, that turned a “4 vs 1 fight” into a “0 vs 1 stroll-in-the-evening”! That’s just how it should be: quick, intense, comprehensible (and god knows, more often than not, it isn’t…).

The animation definitely fits the dark mood of the film, although at two or three occasions you’ll find yourself furrowing your brows, when (very short) live-action scenes got mixed with the animation, but apart from that, the animation is pretty well done.

The score adds to the mood and is simply breathtaking.

The Japanese voice acting is top-notch and all seiyuu do an excellent job! I regularly got goosebumps listening to the Japanese cast, main or supporting role doesn’t matter, e. g. you could literally feel the despair of the girl, begging for the life of a child, while hearing the bloodcurdling screams of her friends all around her being slaughtered.

Now, the English dub is a different story…

*Warning! This is going to get ugly*

Translation and voice acting form a pair that’s hitting rock bottom! It’s not only bad, it’s outright… WORSE!!

Richard Hayworth turns Kenshin into a junior high school boy, who’s frustrated because he doesn’t have any friends in class, but who is now able to pay everyone back who was mean to him, ’cause “me got’s a sword, now!” *hihi haha*.

Hiko Seijuro sounds, like the most important thing to him, was the bass of his voice and I seriously wondered, why Katsura Kogoro (after all, leader of a Samurai clan) sounded like a child molester from time to time?

Furthermore, every time a Japanese name (and there are quite a few) is being mentioned, you get the feeling Kyoto is located somewhere in the middle of Texas… No effort whatsoever.

Now, for the translation – the second part of this dynamic duo from hell – which is just as bad.

Seriously, a Japanese chimp could have made a better translation!

Not only is the translation completely untrue to the original, you inevitably come to wonder if the translators understood any Japanese at all, or if they just tried getting lucky on the Internet.

They turn 3-dimensional characters into stereotypical puppets, so that the plot becomes nothing more, than the fantasies of a heavily deranged teenager.

Honestly, the translation mistakes are so numerous and severe, I could write a book about them, longer than the original script of the film; they include situations:

• Kenshin’s main motivation becomes “vengeance” in the English version (vengeance for what?! To whom?! There’s no vengeance at all, regarding his work!?!?!)

• A lowly bodyguard, becomes the chief bodyguard (instant promotion! Yay!!)

• Fellow troop-leaders with mutual respect for each other, suddenly have a ridiculously stereotypical “master – apprentice” relationship

…as well as context, words and sentences:

• “Madness!” turns into “MASTER!!!” (Huh… Just imagine Leonidas (300) screaming out: “This – is – MASTER!!!”; way to go!)

• “I saw red dragonflies this evening” becomes “I know, now we have the time…” (the line before this one was the same by the way, in Japanese and English)

Seriously, WHAT is wrong with you people? Even if we broke the poor chimp’s arm, let him write one-handedly and under the influence of mind-expanding drugs, he couldn’t have done a worse job!

So please, PLEASE, do yourself a favor and watch the Japanese dub with English subtitles. Watching the English dub for 2 hours, causes severe pain and reduces this extraordinary movie to a less than mediocre experience.

As for me, I gotta go to the bathroom now and wash the blood out of my ears, after listening to the English dub…

Popularity: 2%

First, I will keep this one short, because I wrote about the trailer for part two. So here you have a quick review for part one and WATCH :-) it:

Storm Riders, directed by Andrew Lau (His first attempt on U.S. soil: The Flock, starring Richard Gere 0_o ?) is based on a comic book called “Tin Ha”. It stars Ekin Cheng as Wind and Aaron Kwok as Cloud.

Storm Riders is an amazing Chinese fantasy movie! If you think, “ahh” another Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, you are not even close. Storm Riders combines great visual effects with exciting and original sword fighting. The sword fighting along with some hand to hand action is purely of the fantasy kind, consisting of swords throwing huge waves of energy, to whirlwind kicks and manipulating liquid to be used as a weapon. There is also real fighting mixed in there to keep you from saying this is too much, maybe…

Sounds a bit crazy, doesn’t it? It needs to me understood that this film is based on a comic book. The story is about two young boys who are raised and ruled by the man who killed their parents and grow up to become martial arts masters. If you have an open mind when it comes to fantasy you will surely enjoy this. I was thoroughly impressed and must recommend checking this out ;-) … even for today this 10 year old flick kicks some serious butt!

So this will be the last update by me for 2008… Happy New Year ! ! !

Oh, and keep on movie-ing ;-)

Popularity: 2%

To understand "Starship Troopers" the viewer must first understand Paul Verhoeven. The director has cult classics like "Robocop" and "Total Recall" under his belt, but personally apologized at the Razzie Awards (the anti-Oscars) for bringing "Showgirls" to the world. Last, but not least, he directed "Basic Instinct", one of the greatest "sex-thrillers" of all time. For those who have seen half his movies, you’ll know that he’s all about tits, sci-fi and hard-core violence, among other things. BUT, it is worth mentioning that these "other things" include brilliant photography and art direction, often innovative special effects (he IS known as Hollywood’s mad scientist) and an amazing sarcastic view of current society. And "Starship Troopers" might just be the epitome of that.

In short, the movie is based on a book, by renowned sci-fi author Robert Heinlein, about the future of human society. After failing in the continuance of democracy, the military takes over and forms one World order that manages to keep humanity in peaceful harmony for many years. Society is divided among citizens and civilians, which is a nice way of referring to those that went to military service and those who didn’t, respectively. The World (or the Federation) then goes to war with a primitive but powerful race of alien bugs and all hell breaks loose. The book, which I will NOT review here, has a much different approach to the subjects of hierarchy and society, mainly because trippy Verhoeven thought the original material was boring and depressive after the first pages. That, which is a big point of criticism by fans of the book, make "Starship Troopers" a bad book adaptation but NOT a bad movie in any way.

First of all, the meat of the social criticisms is there and Verhoeven, by choosing to give the future of society a semi-Nazi look, gives this movie a brilliant visual style. Every character has ideals and philosophies that might make sense to some, but are obvious inspirations of the mentality induced by the Third Reich back in the 1940s. Or maybe a mix between that and the mentality of the American troops during WWII. At one point, one citizen of Buenos Aires (that’s the tropical paradise of the future) says, on TV, that the only good bug is a dead bug… That’s an American saying about the Germans in the War, but it is said, LIVE, on a television network that strikes an amazing resemblance to Goebel’s propaganda movies of the Reich. One of the main characters goes to military intelligence and shows up in the last act wearing a suit that is IDENTICAL to that Hitler’s SS soldiers. Verhoeven’s choice in visual style is probably this movie’s greatest triumph. Even the actors, who SUCK, by the way, seem like the obvious choice since everyone looks like the poster child for public advertisement. Casper Van Dien’s Johnny Rico is the typical buffed up, wide-jawed blondie that wins Football championships while Denise Richards’ Carmen Ibanez is a big-breasted, innocent hottie who happens to be the quarterback jock’s girlfriend. The list goes on, and aside from Michael Ironside and a few other veterans, there isn’t a single actor in this joint that knows the difference between a smile and a grin. The acting is just that bad (to the point of hurting the movie for some). But the casting, is brilliant… It might be confusing for some to understand, but I won’t even bother trying to explain.

In come the effects: everything looks amazing, even by today’s standards. The bugs are probably the scariest creatures since the original Alien (you know, from "Alien") and they are so perfectly integrated into the scenery that you wonder what happened to the Academy when they decided to give "Titanic" the award instead. It’s the best display of digital effects since "Jurassic Park" and the only thing in recent memory that looks better is "Transformers". Even the bloody parts look amazingly cool (and disgusting, in Verhoeven fashion).

With a rather shallow script, though, it’s hard to explain why "Starship Troopers" is such an enjoyable experience. It depends heavily on Verhoeven’s style and skillful direction, Basil Poledouris’ amazing musical score (military tunes, anyone?) and the mind-blowing visual effects… And those are things that just can’t be put into words. "Starship Troopers" is a movie that has to be seen, but half the people will hate it while the other half will love it. I happen to fall into the latter category.

Popularity: 2%

Find me a flaw in "V for Vendetta" and I’ll prove to you that it is not a flaw. The Wachowskis had many aspirations as movie-makers and adapting Alan Moore’s graphic novel "V for Vendetta" was among them. The movie is passionately written by them, though it is directed by James McTeigue, who worked for them as second-unit director in the "Matrix" trilogy.

Now, after the impact that "The Matrix" and its two sequels had in the business, the Wachowskis pretty much could do what they wanted in Hollywood, so "V for Vendetta" is not only perfectly executed due to the ability of its creators, it is a magnificent technical achievement where nothing is missing. Aside from a brilliant story, perfect acting and directing, the movie has all the effects, props, pyrotechnics it needs to tell its story convincingly.

The movie’s story is too complex to put into my humble words here, and using more than a sentence to do so could risk spoiling the plot for you. In short, "V for Vendetta" is heavily inspired by George Orwell’s "1984", only with some adaptations to our current reality and naturally, the presence of the character V, our hero and terrorist. The cast includes Hugo Weaving behind V’s mask, Natalie Portman as the girl who happens to stumble upon his plot and John Hurt, purposefully in the opposite role that he played in "1984" (where he was Winston, the victim, while here he plays the leader of the totalitarian government).

The first thing you’ll notice, about five minutes in, is that V is one of the greatest characters ever to be put into celluloid, something that is only enhanced by Hugo Weaving’s brilliant performance. V is a mix between a Shakespearean scholar, an charming gentleman and a killer/terrorist. His personality is shaped in a way that it is impossible not to fall in love with him and subsequently with his cause. V is probably one of the biggest reasons why this movie is so perfect.

The script is perfectly constructed in a way that the story escalates in sync with the character development, making us not only passionate about V’s cause, but putting ourselves in the position of the population of this not too distant world. It leads us to thinking if this is where we’re going to, and everything in our current reality suggests that, well, it is. Add to that Dario Marinelli’s touching and inspirational musical score and you have one of the most progressive movies in history.

Finally, there’s the unavoidability of action, whereas V shows his ruthlessness in what are probably the most dramatic action sequences ever. The final battle makes you wonder wether you should feel excited, astonished or emotional over the meaning that it all has.

"V for Vendetta" has many qualities that simply can’t be put into words. It is an unforgettable sensorial experience that will test your feelings and challenge your concept of modern cinema. It is definitely among the best movies I have experienced in my life and it should be watched for so many reasons that I won’t give myself the trouble to put them here.

Popularity: 2%

Many directors have a background in a lower position before they get to be “el capitano”. Robert Zemeckis worked for Spielberg before directing “Back to the Future”, Michael Bay worked at ILM before directing “Bad Boys”, etc. Len Wiseman worked for a long time in Special FX in effect oriented flicks like “Independence Day”, “Godzilla” and “Stargate” (no love connection to Roland Emmerich, though). I don’t know how, but Wiseman one day woke up, had an idea for a movie about Vampires vs. Werewolves and he just did that.

“Underworld” doesn’t have a gigantic budget… But for a director with no experience who wanted to shoot his own script, Wiseman got a big break and he proved, to some extent, that he had what it took to front such a big project (or else they wouldn’t have made the sequel).

The story goes that a clan of vampires and a clan of Lycans (werewolves) have been waging war for centuries. Selene, a smokin’ hot Death Dealer (hunter of Lycans) gets involved with a man with whom the Lycans are obsessed (and happens to have been bitten by one). To reveal more would spoil the plot, since “Underworld” has many plot twists (some good, some obvious, some plain stupid). Since “Underworld: Evolution” is a direct sequel of the original, I won’t tell the story here.

So, first the pros: Both movies have an amazing visual style, and while it copies the “Matrix” movies, it copies them well (if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it). The mix between neo-punk leather and some middle-age vintage clothing results in a sexy and coherent style. Also, the whole back-story about the feud between both clans brings some originality to the genre, simply forgetting about the likes of Dracula and other cliches, and giving each individual character some depth. Kudos for Wiseman for that.

However, the biggest problem in this movie lies within Wiseman himself. I think, with all honesty, that he has a great future as a director, since I loved “Live Free or Die Hard”. But Wiseman himself failed to notice that he lacked the experience in the director’s seat to direct a complex movie like “Underworld”. Many key moments display a lack of additional directing or a harder initiative by the man… Scenes that should’ve been shot more times, or scenes that should’ve been cut happen a little too often, and those are signs of immature and/or lazy directing. I’m not condemning Wiseman as a director, but even George Lucas didn’t helm all the original “Star Wars” since he knew that it was too much to handle.

The fact that the sequel is shorter, better acted out and put together, even though it has a less interesting plot is an obvious sign of the director’s improvement. However, the sequel lacks the originality of the first, and while it is obvious that when you continue a story there’s less room for originality, there should be some kind of “evolution” (no pun intended), right? But it seems like the story continues in a linear fashion, only paving the way for more action sequences. This is an action movie, people, so don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’ll be in for a scare.

My final grudge here is with the effects, even though it is an unfair grudge. While the original sells itself as an action blockbuster of sorts, the lack of digital effects and excessive animatronics make this look a little…. cheap. And in my short experience with visual effects, I know that there are moments where you choose between animatronics and digital for artistic purposes, not financial. The digital werewolf transformations are pretty cool, but once these things start attacking and digital is traded for big puppets, it looks like you’re watching another “Chucky” movie. The quick cuts and short camera angles try to hide this, but these things look as lifeless as can be. “Underworld” had a budget of U$20 million, so this really is an unfair grudge. However, the sequel cost U$50 million and the problem remains. The big werewolf looks awesome in the digital shots, jumping fifty feet in the air, moving quickly from side to side… But when the puppet shows up, it looks like a retarded version of the Frankenstein monster… with hair! I just expected a little more, especially from a movie directed by a man with such extensive effects experience.

Final verdict. Watch both movies. They’re fun and have their moments where you see that brilliance could have been achieved. However, the acting, directing, plot and effects are all just on average. Don’t expect it to change your life.

[starreviewmulti id=1 tpl=21 average_size='20']

[starreviewmulti id=1 tpl=21 average_size='20']

Popularity: 3%

Every actor goes through a mid-life crisis, and Tom Cruise has ben in his since ever. His trying to balance his career with serious roles and action movies has been a stepping stone in his recognition as a serious actor (and an Academy Award, naturally). "The Last Samurai" is definitely a sign that he’s on the right track, though.

Cruise plays Captain Algren, a scarred American army veteran from the late 19th century who is sent to Japan to train an army that will wage war against the nearly extinct Samurai. In all his arrogance (and inebriation), Algren loses the battle and is captured by the Samurai, killing one of them in the process. In the Samurai village, he starts to get a growing understanding of the Samurai culture through their General, Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe, brilliant) and later fully embraces it, questioning his past life and his understanding of the battlefield.

I’m not the first critic to say that Tom Cruise in a Kurosawa style Samurai movie is a very bad idea, but not only does Cruise give his best for the role (with astonishing results), but Edward Zwick (who would later direct "Blood Diamond") puts it all so well together that this truly becomes one of the most beautiful epics of all time. Add to that one of Hans Zimmer’s most inspired musical scores and you get a truly unique masterpiece.

The movie balances epic war battles with oriental philosophical teachings about life and honor and, as far as I know, gives the Samurai culture its due respect. Not only that, it portrays the Samurai as the fearless, dedicated warriors they were (trust me, these guys are badass).

But this review wouldn’t be fair without a paragraph dedicated do Ken Watanabe. Watanabe gives General Katsumoto such heart and soul that it is impossible not to be convinced, like Cruise’s character, that Bushido is the correct way of life. To live under oaths of honor is so noble that little else is necessary in life. This is one of the most influential and well developed characters in recent movie history and it took an actor of Watanabe’s caliber to portray him justly.

So, among the greatest epics in the industry’s already long history, "The Last Samurai" has a special place on my list due to its mix of modern epic film-making and classical storytelling. It is among the best movies EVER made and it shouldn’t be missed by anyone.

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