Critical Film Condition

Well, he did it again.

I am not an Emmerich hater, but you gotta give it to the guy. It looks like he goes to great lengths to ruin the expectations of anyone with a brain in the audience.

My problem with “2012″ is that it sends out a clear message that Emmerich and co. lack the cojones to go that extra mile to make his movies an enjoyable experience. Sure, “Independence Day” was cool and needed a hope filled ending, while “The Day After Tomorrow” got close to what I thought could extend his craft of destroying shit a little further.

And when I saw the full-length trailer for “2012″ I thought he was finally ready to take that next step. If you are still not understanding what I am getting at, here it goes in plain ENGLISH: I wanted him to just destroy everything, us humans included.

The movie is about the end of the world… the END of the WORLD!!! Get it? The world is supposed to END!!! It doesn’t get any simpler than that. And we get that in the movie… We get it a lot. But then he spirals down in an attempt at a dramatic third act where everybody knows each other, Russians are selfish, the US Government goes boo-hoo and half a million people get saved because through some miracle the government was able to build ships that protects everyone from the flood resulted in the whatthefuck is wrong with these people solar flairs and tectonic displacement horseshit.

It’s a flood… It’s not the end of the world, IT’S A FUCKING FLOOD! To make it even worse, the evil waters don’t do all that much damage and start to go back as the new highest point in the planet in AFRICA will be the start of the new human civilization. I am trying, but even my years of training can’t come up with words to describe how stupid everything is, and all these insanely retarded excuses to make a happy ending could have been solved by simply saying: OOPS, IT’S OVER! It would have been much more satisfying because the movie is (I love repeating this) THE END OF THE WORLD!

If you understand the molecule of a fart that comes close to story development, you would understand just how bad this is when it comes to being cohesive with the mood that had been set in the first, oh crap, 120 minutes of film, when you destroy everything, send out messages of dozens of different messages from dozens of different cultures that humanity’s days are being counted and you solve everything by making sure John Cusack gets back with Amanda Peet. WHAT?!!!

Then there’s casting choices. Black president: good idea, but not Danny Glover. Can somebody tell me what the hell Murtaugh is doing in the Oval Office? And then you get the worst joke ever when “John Kennedy” comes back to Washington in a tidal wave (I wish I could make shit like that up) to kill the While House with the Black President inside. It’s just BAD.

Then you get the president’s daughter and his scientific advisor. Both black, because hey, “maybe vee can make it ze new trend”, but both played by British actors in the worst roles of their lives. Cusack is Cusack, Peet is Peet (neutral here) and the only breath of fresh air is Woody Harrelson, but he dies so fast you forget he was ever there. And please, PLEASE, don’t ever cast Oliver Platt as a bad guy ever again… He is just too nice for that.

And if you expect me to talk about the effects, forget about it. It’s the very fucking least you can expect from a U$260 MILLION Dollar production.

Popularity: 1%

It seems that with all the financial, environmental, social, etc. crises documentaries have started to get their due space in mainstream cinema. There are subjects that need to be covered and revealed to the audience that mainstream fictional cinema can’t contain with the same effect on the public.

Michael Moore started a big movement with “Bowling for Columbine”, but he became a victim of his own sensationalism with “Fahrenheit 9/11″, so nobody cared for his latest movie “Sicko”. Al Gore had a great impact with “An Inconvenient Truth”, Leo Dicaprio produced “The 11th Hour” and so on and so forth.

“Food, Inc.” falls into a similar category. A movie that deals with a subject that is inconvenient for the powers that be, but manages to get attention as a result of the unstoppable power of cinema. The subject this time is how the food industry has evolved over the years and how science has become a great villain, with companies looking for profit while putting our health in jeopardy to achieve that goal. It definitely got my attention.

Watch the trailer… Are you sure you still wanna eat that steak?

Popularity: 7%

I’ve been a fan of Kathryn Bigelow since “Point Break”, but she has failed to amaze me recently (I didn’t like “K-19: The Widowmaker” very much). But WOW, this movie looks amazing. The trailer is awesomely long, but it reveals as much information as it needs. Seems like the ultimate movie regarding the recent US war in Iraq, with the right amounts of drama, action and political critique.

The almost unknown Jeremy Renner leads a big cast starring the likes of Ralph Fiennes and Guy Pearce as a bomb-squad in Iraq dealing with the fact that, over there, anyone is a suspect, and ANYTHING can be a bomb. Their relationships with death, patriotism and family all come to play with the most dangerous job anyone can think of.

Don’t waste any more time. If you haven’t checked out the trailer yet, do it before it explodes.

Popularity: 14%

To Germans the mere iota of a scintilla of a fraction of the suggestion of enjoying American beer is totally laughable. Like butter-flavored salt or the expression “ttym”. Here in Bavaria, the holy trinity of Coors, Miller and Budweiser are considered novelty beverages or lemonade. Germans take exorbitant pride in their beer and anyone who’s ever been to the Oktoberfest, well if they remember then they weren’t really there, were they?

In the States I was often asked whether it is true that Germans drink their beer “warm”. I considered this a peculiar question and when I dug deeper I found out that “warm” meant “without ice cubes”. Oh, the horror! Like Mariah Carey in “Glitter” spread on Haggis.

From this side of the pond this documentary “Beerwars” looks as funny as Americans trying to pronounce “Löwenbräu”. If it is actually shown here, it will probably be labeled as a comedy. We love it! Prost!

Release date US: April 16th 2009.

Popularity: 10%

Since we went to see Kevin James at the Brandenburg Gate, we feel the need to follow up on this. We were glad to hear that Kevin James made it out of Berlin alive. His press tour was a big hit and everyone loved him here.

We’ll leave it to Kevin James himself to tell you all about the movie. Also, there is some funny behind the scenes stuff we thought you might enjoy. This one is surprisingly funny, another light-hearted comedy from the folks at Happy Madison (no plot, no problem!). They make us, well, happy.

This is James’ first stand-alone starring role and he definitely stays in his comfort zone and does what he does best. He reminded me a little of John Candy. Like in his popular sit-com “The King of Queens”, this character is slightly cheesy, but good-hearted and very likeable. Obviously sporting a great sense of humor, however missing some stamina.

And speaking of sport, Kevin James did all of his own stunts. And there is some serious physical stuff in this. So, respect! James’ brother Gary Valentine (who also starred in “The King of Queens”) has a great cameo as a Karaoke Singer. Favorite quote: When are you gonna give up, Blart? – I’ll meet you on the corner of “NE” and “VER”!

Release dates (may be subject to change):

USA 16 January 2009

UK 20 March 2009

Germany 26 March 2009

[starreviewmulti id=1]

Popularity: 8%

Derek Charles (played by Idris Elba) is an all around success: he has a great career as an asset manager, who has just received a huge promotion. He is blissfully happy in his marriage to Sharon (Beyonce Knowles). But when Lisa Sheridan (Ali Larter from “Heroes”), a temp worker starts stalking him, all the things he’s worked so hard for are suddenly jeopardy.

This one looks pretty standard and has serious snooze potential. And since there isn’t really any promotion out there, you could just blink and miss it. I genuinely wonder though, how Beyonce Knowles finds the time to make movies, be a kick-ass singer/dancer and look fantastic. It is just completely beyond me. Maybe she found the secret to eternal youth and does that trick Hugh Jackman does in “The Prestige”. Now, that’s a movie!

Release dates (may be subject to change):

USA: 24 April 2009

UK: 29 May 2009

Germany: 11 June 2009

Guddy’s Take:

Catfight between Beyoncé and Ali Larter???? Count me in!

Popularity: 4%

The guys and I recently
were discussing “Un chien andalou” (1929) by Salvador Dalí and
Luis Buñuel. It seems that everyone collectively was traumatized by
one scene or another. I could not even remember the eyeball scene
until Renny mentioned it (- denial isn’t just a river in Egypt!).
My favorite scene was always the eyelashes turning into a tree.

Then this comes
along. Jazz, Freud and avant-garde shape three exceptional artists:
Salvador Dalí, Luis Buñuel and Federico
García Lorca. I love history-porn, but this can go wrong so many
ways. I am especially worried about Robert Pattinson (yes, the
Twilight dude) playing Salvador Dalí, since Twilight was such a
tedious, tedious affair. Actually, it deserves another tedious.

The MPAA R rating mentions
a brief disturbing image. Let’s hope there is more than one.

Here are two short clips from another interesting collaboration – Dali and Disney (to find out more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Destino)

Popularity: 4%

Jason Bourne meets Michael Clayton. Sort of.

In “The International”, Interpol Agent Louis Salinger (Clive Owen) and Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Eleanor Whitman (Naomi Watts) are determined to bring to justice one of the world’s most powerful banks. Salinger and Whitman’s investigation takes them from Berlin to Milan to New York and to Istanbul. Finding themselves in a high-stakes chase across the globe, their relentless tenacity puts their own lives at risk, as the bank will stop at nothing – even murder – to continue financing terror and war.

It is a little ironic that this movie deals with a financial institution’s power display and illegal activities including money laundering, arms trading and the destabilization of governments in the midst of a worldwide economic crisis. Banks just cannot get a good rep these days, can they?

Director Tom Tykwer delivers a movie that has brains – it is logical and not totally predictable. Thank you!!! The photography is immaculate, the sound is outstanding, the acting is good and I also have to mention the inventive location scouting. It’s like a mini vacation.

“The International” also features a great score composed by none other than Tykwer (and not for the first time!) along with Reinhold Heil and Johnny Klimek (they also composed for “Run Lola Run” and “Winterschläfer”).

However the mixture of Michael Clayton and Jason Bourne could have made a better cocktail. This is a very sober movie and Clive Owens is nevertheless made for this role. Guts, but no glory. Armin Mueller-Stahl is exceptional as the old East German relic Wilhelm Wexler.

However, the most convincing argument for this movie is the shootout in Frank Lloyd Wright’s Guggenheim Museum. It is awesome (and I don’t use this word lightly!). For anyone even remotely interested in art, the sight of the interior of Wright’s creation, shaped like the top of a honey dripper, being blown to bits is nerve-cringing and electrifying.

Worth the ticket or rental!

Popularity: 5%