Critical Film Condition

This has been a difficult year for me, regarding positive surprises in theaters. “Watchmen” was exactly what I expected, “Knowing” was a disappointment… You get my drift.

Now, with all the huge movies coming this year in the blockbuster season, I was excited with everything except “Wolverine”. The trailer was completely over the top and they seemed to be going straight into “Spider-Man 3″ territory, turning the movie into a convoluted character showcase that didn’t make any sense. I was positively surprised.

For those who have seen the “X-Men” series, you know that we don’t know much about Logan/Wolverine’s past… And this movie aims to shed some light on that. Hugh Jackman returns to the role that made him, and aside from that, there is a little surprise cameo in there from the original cast as well. But, that’s about it… From the original cast members, every other actor is replaced, which isn’t bad at all, since most characters are new.

Although the story-arc in “Wolverine” might be a little convoluted, the fact that they managed to pack a story in there is already something of a relief. There’s character development, convincing interactions, a shit-load of action scenes… So, my surprise with this movie was mainly due to the fact that it featured everything I was expecting and then lots, lots more. I was really in the mood to grab some popcorn, leave my brain at the door, and enjoy 107 minutes of Hollywood fun. What I got was that, plus a much better than expected homage to the “X-Men” trilogy.

Liev Schreiber incorporates a mean Victor Creed (later Sabertooth), and amongst all his serious roles (most recently in “Defiance”), he seems to be having a lot of fun kicking some butt here. Danny Huston isn’t far off in his role as William Stryker, but I kept wishing he was a little more like Brian Cox in “X-Men 2″. Other supporting cast members have the small problem of having little screen-time, most notably Ryan Reynolds and Dominic Monaghan… Or too much of it, for that matter (I could have lived with much less of Lynn Collins). But this movie belongs to Hugh Jackman and Wolverine, and at that, it excells.

Naturally, the main element for someone who enters a movie theatre to see a movie is the action, and in “Wolverine”, the action has a rare element missed in many big movies recently: CREATIVITY. While the visual effects aren’t on par with “Transformers” or “Star Trek”, it is amazing to see so many elements of the “X-Men” universe incorporated into live-action scenes. Wolverine does a u-turn with a bike using his claws, for crying out lout. Yes, it IS over-the-top, but after getting through the laughable intro and rolling into the credits (great credits, by the way), you feel at home in the Marvel Universe and just roll with it. Another great musical score by Harry Gregson Williams helps in making this transition abrupt and exciting.

Then there’s the elements that made me second-guess all that skepticism. “Wolverine” has above-average character development, a rather convincing love story (again assisted by Harry Gregson-Williams) and an amazing sense of scale to display how far the powers of these mutants can go. It is a great movie, a lot of fun, that stays truthful to the original Brian Singer vision of the X-Men Universe, more even than the third installment by Brett Ratner.

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Popularity: 12%

Life intimidating art…
Since the “Hannah Montana” sitcom debuted on March 24th 2006, Miley Cyrus has sky-rocketed to teenage stardom. This is the Disney Channel’s third theatrical movie based off a Disney show (after “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” and “Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour”).

The series is about a girl who leads a double life having a career as the famous pop singer Hannah Montana by night and submerging into obscurity by day as Miley Stewart to lead a normal life with her family. You see, life is imitating art in a way that is both blissfully poetic and intimidating (and the sui generis clan is brilliant at marketing themselves).

No one must find out the BIG SECRET that Miley and Hannah are actually one person. The blond wig that Miley wears as Hannah obviously has special superpowers that keep her from being found out and no one suspects that Hannah is Miley in a blonde wig with smokey eyes. Or as producer Gough put it: “It’s a Superhero movie for girls”. Although I fear that the movie is the Bizarro World version of Miley Cyrus’ life.

For the grown ups I will just reference the characters on a first name basis, so I won’t confuse you.

So Miley/Hannah Montana’s popularity has totally gone to her head. Miley even goes to her best friend Lilly’s 16th birthday party as Hannah Montana after a paparazzi delighting shoe fight with Tyra Banks, which almost causes a riot because everyone loves Hannah. Lilly is crushed (literally) and leaves her own party. And everyone who has ever seen an episode of “My super sweet 16” on MTV knows what a big deal that is. It’s like totally uncool. Or whatever the kids say these days.
Miley’s dad takes her on a trip back to their hometown of Crowley Corners, Tennessee to get some perspective on what matters in life. There are a number of musical montages in great landscapes to Hannah Montana’s greatest hits that help this growing experience along. There is hip hop, pop, country, a hoedown as a matter of fact, something for everyone. And also, a very unsubtle introduction of Disney’s next star in the making Taylor Swift.

Naturally Miley grows up in a good clean American family values kinda way. The movie is after all a Disney movie and director Peter Chelsom went all out with the formula inspiring writer Daniel Berendsen to produce such pearls of wisdom as “Life’s a climb… but the view is great”. But neither plot nor writing or directing is really the focus here and that is perfectly alright. It is Hannah and Miley and it seems to work because all the girls in the audience absolutely loved it. And they liked everything she was wearing.

They obviously have a very firm grasp on what matters in life.

Alongside Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Ray (who’s acting credits include an episode of “The Nanny”), there are a number of surprises like Tyra Banks (fierce catfight scene, love it!), Vanessa Williams as Miley’s agent, Barry Bostwick as Mr. Bradley and Melora Hardin (from “17again”) as Lorelei. And Emily Osment (younger sister of Haley Joel) as Miley/Hannah’s best friend Lilly. Also Lucas Till is perfectly cast as Miley’s love interest/eye candy Travis Brody.

Honestly I wasn’t prepared for the amount of singing and dancing because I have never seen the sitcom, played the game, bought the CD, gone to the concert, well, you know. I like to see movies unbiased, which severely backfired when I discovered that there was actually wrestling in “The Wrestler”. That scene with the staples and the barbwire was just God-awful.

Of course Miley’s dad Billy Ray Cyrus would not approve of me using the Lord’s name like that. And if he can get P.Diddy to apologize for inappropriate remarks, I am watching my back.

If more alter egos show up, it’s time for some therapy, Hannah, ahm, Miley.

Release dates:

Germany: June 1st 2009

UK: May 1st 2009

USA: April 10th 2009

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Popularity: 100%

“Dead Ringers” meets “The Reader”

Europe, early 17th century. Hungarian Countess Erzebet Bathory (Julie Delpy) is a virago, strong-willed and vain, the most powerful and also the most feared in her country. She is beautiful, intelligent and unwilling to accept that men make and break the rules as they please. She meets the much younger Istvan (Daniel Brühl) and they immediately fall for each other and start a passionate affair. But their bliss is short-lived. Istvan’s father Count Thurzo (deliciously cold: William Hurt) forces his son to marry another woman and initiates a scheme to bring down the commanding Countess. Erzebet however is convinced that Istvan left her because of her fading beauty. Slowly going mad, she starts to believe that the blood of virgins, extracted by an iron maiden (the torture device, not the aptly named band) will preserve her youthful visage. She embarks on a murderous undertaking, risking everything: her reputation, her wealth, her standing, her life.

Disturbingly, the movie is based on an actual person and actor/writer/director Delpy meshes legend and fact: The real Countess Barthory (1560-1614) is possibly the most prolific female serial killer in history, convicted on 80 counts, with one witness attributing more than 600 deaths to her and her myrmidons. In actuality she was never tried in court and the legendary bloodbaths were never verified. Yet she is remembered as the “Blood Countess” or “Countess Dracula”.

All of this being said, this is definitely not a splatter movie! It is disturbing, but not on a “slasher” level. There is structure and unruliness. Lesbians and S&M. Bloodthirst and romance. Vanity and power struggles. It’s a feast for the hobby shrink.

The movie starts off with a structured stab at a behavioral explanation. I think that Delpy tried to explore the main character in a very honest and exploratory fashion without excusing anything. Little Erzebet is conditioned to cruelty from childhood. Delpy employs two crucial childhood experiences and a merciless disposition to round out the character profile. Mix in unrequited love, madness and high social ranking and power and what do you get? Bloodbaths galore.

I have got to applaud writer/director Julie Delpy for a cunning psychogram of a very complex woman that was part victim and part perpetrator simultaneously. Like Stephen Daldry in “The Reader” she is trying to explore the facets of an inherently cruel, sangfroid and narcissistic character that falls for a much younger man. It is immensely difficult to chronicle the demise of a lover turning into a quenchless murderess, much less portray it. Although Delpy does a great job with the acting, the poetic license and the visual effects take away from the serious attempt at a character study. The combination of power and indefeasibility in this character is what makes it intriguing. The question arises how cruel anyone could become if they had the freedom to be. The Countess viewed herself as a devout Protestant and hardship and cruelty were a sign of the times then. But the quote “Time has no respect for beauty” is one that could be uttered by anyone in Hollywood today. Still – it is a long way to dead virgins lining the woods.

I like the psychology behind “The Countess” and that Delpy isn’t afraid to explore the wrath of a woman scorned in all its splendor. She isn’t afraid to portray herself as ugly or “old” (though I am sure 39 looked different in 1610). However, combining fact and fiction, the movie is crippled by the Cronenberg style of presentation. Which results in, sadly, the movie sometimes bordering on the comical.

A large portion of the movie was filmed in Germany and there are a number of German faces, spearheading is Daniel Brühl (who might be familiar as Jason Bourne’s girlfriend’s brother) and Anna Maria Mühe as Erzebet’s first victim, Sebastian Blomberg as her masochistic playmate Dominic Vizakna and a short appearance of Nikolai Kinski (son of the late Klaus Kinski).

I am a fan of Delpy’s work. I liked her directorial debut “2 days in Paris” and I think that “Before Sunset” is a nearly perfect sequel to the magical “Before Sunrise”. This movie has a distinct, dark style. And it is truly European: a French director shooting an English movie in Germany about a Hungarian tale. Still, it demands an acquired taste for the genre and human contradictions.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Release Date:

June 25th (Germany)

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Popularity: 24%

I’ve actually been a blockbuster whore all my life. Even by being involved in the industry and knowing the bullshit that goes around in Hollywood, I seem to enjoy big explosions, special effects and such. But sometimes it’s nice to tone down a bit and, especially after “Little Miss Sunshine”, I started paying a lot more attention to independent movies.

I have a very special interest in small, New York-ish romantic comedies, like “When Harry Met Sally”… I hate New York as a city, but love it as a setting for romantic comedies… And this “Adam” is shaping up to be just my kinda movie. Hugh Dancy, which is an actor who I have a lot of faith in, plays Adam, a man with symptoms similar to autism who falls for his new neighbor, played by Rose Byrne.

A simple story, yet it seems that Hugh Dancy might be the big surprise when this movie comes, incorporating a charming, lovable and ultimately funny character. Rose Byrne is also a joy to watch and Frankie Faison, who plays Adam’s best friend, seems to make his always supporting roles enjoyable to watch.

The last punch-line is a killer… Definitely worth watching.

Popularity: 10%

Remember that time, when the fact that a sixth or seventh “Friday the 13th” was a laughing matter? Any franchise, up until the beginning of this new millenium, that extended beyond the third movie was destined for a bitter, disgustingly bad result. I liked “Lethal Weapon 4″ (one of the few that still had a number in the title), but now they’re talking about Pirates 4, Terminator Salvation, John Rambo, Live Free or Die Hard, Beverly Hills Cop Abomination, yadayadayada… Why? It’s not like “Rise of the Machines” was a critical success… Fun fact: did you know that the people at Universal actually bought the rights to make 5 Jurassic Park sequels??? Yeah, like “Jurassic Park III” was worth more of that crap…

So, by being the dick that I am, I am going to explore the stupidest idea for a sequel to a franchise that has already had complete closure in its storyline and fuck with it by developing the concept for the sequel. Note that I am doing this spontaneously, namely because I have nothing better to do… And due to the length of the stupidity it took to secure the rights for so many sequels in advance, I am going to do it with “Jurassic Park”… Michael Crichton, rest in peace:

So, to get things started, let’s go with the title… Since the original was good, “The Lost World” was bearable and the third one sucked, I am not going to go with a number this time. My fourth movie would be called “Jurassic: Unleashed”… Bear with me, it gets worse.

From the original three movies I would get the characters played by Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore.for a comeback. Without giving any new characters names (because I’m not in the mood), I would cast James Woods, Meryl Streep, Shia LaBeuf (because he’s in anything that costs more than 100 mil) and Jessica Biel. Oh yeah… No question about the fact that Rob Cohen should direct.

The movie starts out a couple of years after part 3. Sam Neill is at home studying his dino stuff when someone knocks on the door. Shia LaBeuf is at his doorstep, bleeding from a gunshot wound (to his hand?) and tells him that a military contractor, played by James Woods, is building up an army of mentally controlled carnivore dinos to sell them to the highest bidder. LaBeuf passes out, so Neill calls his old friend Jeff Goldblum to give him the news. Julianne Moore answers the phone, saying that Goldblum is missing. After doing some research and easily finding out the facility where the dinos are being made (something I am not going to lower my IQ level to develop), Neill takes Julianne Moore and LaBeuff in a helicopter… The pilot is the niece of Richard Attemborough’s character John Hammond, played by Jessica Biel (because she’s hot and kicks ass). Since these archeology people are always broke, the flight is sponsored by an animal rights protectionist woman played by Meryl Streep. They arrive at the remote forest facility (to avoid any cliches) and sneak in WITH A FUCKING HELICOPTER. They do find out, though, that the price for sneaking in was landing in a location where the dinos roam free, so Meryl Streep gets eaten by a T-Rex (that’s why I would cast her). They escape into the safe zone, find and rescue Jeff Goldblum, but Shia and Jessica get left behind in the Velociraptor den. The older cast meets James Woods, who claims that he wants to make a fortune, blablabla, but when being threatened by Julianne Moore, goes ape-shit, clears the defense grid and escapes in a Humvee. Shia and Jessica are now helpless against the Velociraptors, but manage to escape through the vents (to avoid any cliches). Jeff, Sam and Julianne try to find a car to go after Woods, but when they finally find it, it doesn’t start (to avoid any cliches) and it gets tipped over by a T-Rex (to avoid any cliches). Shia and Jessica arrive just in time (to avoid any cliches) and just when the T-Rex is going to take a bite out of Jeff Goldblum (who yells NOT AGAIN… to avoid any cliches), Shia uses a rocket launcher that was just sitting there (to avoid any cliches) and blows the T-Rex’s head off (to avoid… wait, WHAT?).

Jeff Goldblum claims that James Woods had an army of 50 T-Rexes and Raptors built and that they are all moving towards a small city nearby (you know, it’s really painful to write this stuff). Jessica has the idea of going to the chopper nearby, and on the way they find Meryl Streep’s body parts (just for the heck of it) and fly to the little town, trying to start an evacuation. It’s too late, to the Raptors start wreaking havok in the little town, while the T-Rexes have a feast. James Woods arrives a little later… What have I done, he says (oh, God). Jessica Biel leaves the good guys on the street to evac everybody (like that’s plausible)… I don’t want to do this anymore… Look: Shia lures a T-Rex for some reason, nearly dies, saves the day, James Woods is destroyed by the dinos and the small town gets blown up by a tac-nuke with close to zero collateral damage, okay?

And I double-dare the motherfucker that complains about me not using a Spinosaurus in my concept.

Popularity: 13%

Now that the redesign is finished (we’re actually still going to talk about some color changes still), I’m working on setting the new rating system and thumbnails for the older posts. I’m doing this in reverse, starting with “I am Legend” (the first CFC review), and working on to the new ones. The latest 10-15 posts have already been written with the new system, so no worries. Hope you people like it!

Popularity: 4%

Bad marketing is a bitch… “State of Play” didn’t interest me at all because of its lackluster trailers and under-informative marketing campaign and after the first two seconds, when I noticed that this was the movie for the Sneak Preview yesterday, I yawned…

I was in for a little treat, though, because “State of Play” is a nice little flick that fails to be more due to some flaws that are a little too big to go by unnoticed. As usual, movies are movies, and I’ve never even seen an episode of the original TV Series, so this review has nothing to do with it.

One of the things that made me leave this one to the side (especially in the beginning of the blockbuster season) was the fact that it looked like just another one of the millions of conspiracy theory movies (one even CALLED “Conspiracy Theory”) that we already have had thrown at us. Russel Crowe plays a journalist in Washington D.C. who researches on two seemingly unconnected deaths, one of them related to a congressman who happens to be a college buddy of his. I know, YAWN… But that is exactly where “State of Play” stands out: instead of giving out the same bullshit of “small man vs. the system” we’ve seen over and over again, this movie centers its attention on the personal relationship between a journalist and a politician, who are often portrayed as greatest enemies. It is in the development of this relationship and the dilemma of ethics and friendship that “State of Play” could have been a really GREAT movie…

But, as I said before, too many a great mistakes remove this movie from a listing of great thrillers, being the first one Ben Affleck. Due to a bumpy road to development, that involved the WGA strike and replacement of the main actors, Affleck was called in late in pre-production and, even leaving aside the age difference that makes the plot point of them being college buddies gullible, him and Crowe have absolutely no chemistry. Crowe is brilliant at Cal McAffrey, playing a charismatic, ambitious reporter, but the thought of pretty-face Affleck as a congressman is just laughable, and he plays it that way. Supporting roles include a convincing, but maybe too immature Rachel McAdams as McAffrey’s assistant and Helen Mirren’s brilliant portrayal of the moody editor with a big heart. Robin Wright-Penn is there too, but like me, you will forget about that five minutes after you leave the theatre.

Acting (or unbalanced acting) aside, it’s in the screenplay that “State of Play” really falls short. I was caught by surprise in the beginning, but after a big development point in the first half-hour, the movie loses all its steam, taking a few chances here and there to set it back on a fast-paced track, but oftentimes just leaving us wishing for more. And to convince us that this movie is about the interpersonal relationship rather than the conspiracy itself, it tries to add too many plot points in the end, making us wish it was over already when it should. It has such a distinct characteristic of lazy, insecure rewriting, that one of the biggest of these plot-points just stays open, and I mean plot-hole… NO, CRATER style. A surprisingly well cut and shot sequence of Crowe writing the final story is a respectful homage to journalism, but even that doesn’t take away the bitter taste of having bullshit being thrown at you for the last twenty minutes, but that’s life.

[starreviewmulti id=1]

Popularity: 8%

After the terrible video was shown at Showest and Bay got his award, he gave the crowd something in return by showing some footage from the Transformers sequel… It looks GREAT, but I get that itchy feeling behind my back every time I see a bigger robot… Did they overdo it? If they did, is it still good?

Anyway, this new footage shows Megan Fox undressing, so it got my respects just for that. Bumblebee crying… Hmmm, not so much. Robot parts flying everywhere… HELL, YEAH, BABY!!!

You gotta live with what the audience wants, so I’ll just say I’m happy about this sequel, because I loved the first movie… AND, some of the new footage shown shows that this might become a darker movie all together (apart from the I’m going to college and you’re not coming… BOO-FUCKING-HOO) and the effects are looking to surpass the original (obviously). Please, Mike, don’t let me down… His last sequel experience was “Bad Boys II”… And that hurt :-(

PS: don’t lose hope… A full-lenghth trailer should be arriving in the next weeks, so stay tuned.

Popularity: 14%