Critical Film Condition

The fur! The clubs! The babes!

Yikes!

Jack Black and Michael Cera star in “Year One”, a comedy about, well I am not sure what it is about exactly. Suffice it to say that with some people questioning the concept of evolution, this is a story the entire Western Hemisphere (or at least the Bible belt) might be able to agree upon.

Slacker/hunter-gatherer Zed (Jack Black) eats an apple from the forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil. He then ponders THE question: What is the meaning of life?

(Well, the answer is 42. But since the Hitchhiker’s Guide wasn’t available that year, I will let this one slide). But since according to this, vitamins promote epiphanies, we are dealing with cavemen against the Romans and correct me if I’m wrong but weren’t Cain and Able starring in the Old Testament? And by the way: this witchdoctor’s voice sounds awfully familiar. Can anyone tell me who that is? I feel slightly bewildered all of a sudden, like wearing a sparkly cross, hanging upside down from a pole practicing Kabbala. I am suddenly confused and bi-confessional. Help!

So, Zed’s progressive and thought-provoking behavior is immediately punished and he and his buddy Oh (Michael Cera) are banished from their primitive village. They set off on an epic journey through the ancient world.

Director Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters, Analyze this) and producer Judd Apatow (Knocked up, Superbad) are heavily referencing “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”. So this better be really, really good. It will be hard to top the best stoning scene ever – ever!

Also in the cast: Christopher Mintz-Plasse (a.k.a. McLovin!), Hank Azaria (America’s Sweethearts, The Birdcage), Oliver Platt (2012), Paul Rudd (I love you, man).

We are looking forward to joining the “Muscle Tribe of Danger & Excellence” in June 2009.

Popularity: 2%

“Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs” is inspired by the popular children’s book, written by author Judi Barrett and illustrated by Ron Barrett, first published in 1978.

Chewandswallow is a town where food falls from the sky three times a day – for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The rain is juice and soup, the snow is made of mashed potatoes and the wind brings hamburgers. So far so yummy. I’ll have all of the above with a side order of more.

However, when floods and storms come, creating dilemmas such as the school getting smothered beneath a giant pancake and ketchup tornado with some giant meatballs crushes the town, the residents must do something to survive. Flint Lockwood, the town inventor, who made the discovery, must now save Chewandswallow.

Co-writers/directors Philip Lord and Chris Miller call it a homage to and parody of disaster movies such as “Twister”, “Armageddon”, and “The Day After Tomorrow”. In 3-D, this could be genuinely mouth-watering.

The movie features the voices of Anna Faris, Andy Samberg, James Caan, Tracy Morgan and Mr. T.

Tasty delight or disaster dish?

Let’s hope it won’t spoil your palate.

Coming September 2009

Popularity: 3%

Let me start by saying that this one was better than I expected. In fact it was a humbling experience on several levels. There were a bunch of kids in the audience, which is always fun, I think. However when I asked the 7 year old boy sitting next to me whether he was excited about seeing this movie, he proceeded to tell me that I really need to get my forearms waxed, then took off his sneakers and tossed a large portion of his popcorn on the head of the girl sitting in front of him. And then wouldn’t wait 15 years to have his own forearms waxed to find out just how much it hurts. Go figure. He is going to be a real catch when he grows up.

And speaking of little bitches: Chloe is an overly pampered Chihuahua from Beverly Hills. It is anything but a dog’s life for her: Spa days, Harry Winston jewels, Porterhouse steaks, she’s got it all. The gardener’s dog Papi, a male Chihuahua, is in love with her but she just ignores the help. Chloe’s owner Viv (Jamie Lee Curtis) needs to go on a business trip and leaves the dog with Rachel (Piper Perabo), her niece. Chloe gets lost while on vacation in Mexico and is snatched by Vasquez (José María Yazpik), a dogcatcher. She befriends a grumpy German Shepard named Delgado who saves her from the evil dogcatcher and his even eviler Doberman, aptly named El Diablo. Then Delgado tries to get her back to Beverly Hills, but the Doberman is hot on their trails. In the meantime Papi also tries to save his ladylove.

Will Papi rescue his corazon? Will Chloe find out that it’s not all about designer boots and sunglasses? Will she find out what it means to be a Chihuahua?

You have to give director Raja Gosnell credit for handling all those animals. Aside from the hordes of dogs, there were over 200 animals in this production, including snakes, doves, coyotes and a cougar. This is not Scooby Doo and there are tons of canines in this, with loads of (dare I say it?) dialogue. The writers Analisa LaBianco and Jeffrey Bushell were really stuffing this with conversations, some better than others. It was a little painful to hear a Chihuahua say: “Come with me if you want to live” among other things.

Most of the scenes were not animated, aside from the moving mouths. Those effects are very well done in the sometimes very, very complex scenes. It looked effortless which it doubtlessly wasn’t. I guess that was what made it fun to watch.

I saw this movie in German and Delgado, a German Shepard was voiced by Martin Kessler, the German voice of Nicolas Cage (in the original version the dog is voiced by Andi Garcia). The very dry delivery was hilarious at times.

The German voices include Simon Gosejohann as “Manuel” the pack rat and Elton as “Chico” the iguana. And I guess I have to mention DJ Bobo who debuts as “Monty”, leader of a renegade Chihuahua pack. He performs the theme song “Chihuahua”, which was a hit in Europe in 2003. I am not a fan.

The movie grossed over 100 Million Dollars in the USA. And I can sort of see why. I found myself laughing a number of times. The physical comedy was a big hit with the kids as it usually is. The kids were really getting into it. Closely following the plot. Making comments. Laughing.

As “Monty” says: Chihuahuas are tiny, but mighty. You just have to find your voice, or bark for that matter. This is light-hearted and harmless entertainment, more for kids than for grown-ups. Unless you like to see dogs in drag, learn about olfactory perception and watch bad guys falling over.

Oh, and I learned about the awesome power of Chanel No. 5. As if I didn’t know…

Popularity: 4%

“Where the wild things are“ is an adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s story, where Max, a disobedient little boy sent to bed without his supper, creates his own world – a forest inhabited by ferocious wild creatures that crown Max as their ruler.

Directed by Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation and a bunch of fantastic videos for TenaciousD, Björk and that “Happy Days” Weezer Video, etc.), the trailer looks magical and scary. Maurice Sendak was involved in writing the screenplay with Jonze and Dave Eggers.

The movie features the voices of Forest Whitaker, Paul Dano, James Gandolfini among others.

Can’t wait.

Popularity: 2%

I confess. I love church-bashing. Always have.

So naturally I am inclined to enjoy anything that makes the Vatican look bad. Like Dan Brown for example.

Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is back to solve a murder and prevent a terrorist act against the Vatican.

At the center of this prequel to “The Da Vinci Code” (2006) seems to be something of a chicken and egg problem. The age-old struggle between science versus faith/theology/religion. In this featurette, director Ron Howard, Tom Hanks and Ewan McGregor discuss the nature of the controversy: who can claim creation? Science or the Vatican?

The Vatican’s official newspaper, Avvenire, ran a story last week saying the Roman Catholic Church “cannot approve” of such a film. Well, the boycott of “The Da Vinci Code” cannot be counted a success. 760 Million Dollars and counting. And even though the Vatican banned the production from filming in St. Peter’s Square or anywhere else in the Vatican for that matter, it is likely that the negative press will only enhance ticket sales. Like Madonna said: “No Publicity is bad publicity”.

The movie also features Israelian acress Ayelet Zurer (Vittoria Vetra), Stellan Skarsgård (Richter) and Armin Mueller-Stahl (Straus).

Guddy’s take:

Well, considering that this boycott comes from the same group of people who say that condoms are bad in a time where two thirds of the world population is starving and 99% of it is horny, I think it’s bullshit. Plus, it only adds to the hype… Due to this boycott, more people are gonna watch this movie, and judging from the last trailer, I’ll be there for sure.

Popularity: 3%

Ever since the Academy Awards I was intrigued as to why “Slumdog Millionaire” won all those awards, specially since I thought “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” was one of the most amazing motion pictures in recent memory.

And since movie theaters here in Munich took awhile longer to be able to show the movie, it took awhile for me to find out.

First, a little history lesson. Danny Boyle, who won, among other things, a Best Director Oscar this year for this movie, started his career with movies like “Shallow Grave” and “Trainspotting”… I hear the sounds HUH and OH being uttered in sequence, and YES, the guy who directed “Trainspotting” just won a shit-load of Oscars… Back to the topic:

“Slumdog Millionaire” is set in Mumbai, India, where Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 million rupees in “Who wants to be a Millionaire”… Since he is nothing but a slumdog, he is brought in for violent questioning, where he starts to tell his life story by explaining how he answered each of the questions correctly. Among other things, it is revealed that Jamal had a very hard life, and is still seeking a lost love from his youth.

A simple plot turns into an amazing story about friendship, trust, honor, love and fate. Jamal is a street-smart, but very naive guy, played very confidently by Dev Patel, and his very true-love for Latika (Freida Pinto) has to become challenges unimaginable by people who live in the first-world. Where many compare “Slumdog Millionaire” with “City of God”, the similarities end when you realize that “Slumdog Millionaire” is, in essence, a beautiful love story about the effect that faith and destiny has on our lives. While thematically both movies differ a lot from each other, the brilliant editing in this movie might show similarities with “City of God”, but again instead of bringing up a fast-paced rhythm to keep the action going fast, “Slumdog” does it to encompass its main subject: making the best out of any situation. With all its tragedy, it manages to transgress the layer of sadness with brilliant editing and photography, making the public never feel sorry for Jamal, but instead root for him throughout the whole experience.

I am not here to compare “Slumdog Millionaire” with “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” because we review movies as single items, not grading them compared to other works of film-making. I still think that “Benjamin Button” is a more impressive achievement, both technically and in narrative terms, but that doesn’t distract from the fact that “Slumdog Millionaire” is an incredible emotional tour-de-force, that will make you think twice before giving up or thinking that your life sucks. It is about much more than a kid from the slums with a chance to live a good life. It is about the greatest feelings of love and persistence, and reaping the rewards for truly believing that everything can come true.

And it’s just an incredible joy to watch.

Popularity: 4%

It is official: Austrian Cinema seriously rocks of late.

After seeing „Revanche“ not long ago, „Der Knochenmann“ (lit. trans: “The Bone Man“) is another Alpine country shocker. I don’t want to give too much away, but this one reminds me of Sweeny Todd: “We have shepherd’s pie peppered with actual shepherd on top.” Not for the faint of heart or stomach, especially stomach!

Private Investigator Brenner (played by Josef Hader) gets involved a case at “Löschenkohl”, a grill chicken station. People disappear and the food is strangely tasty – this is just about the extent of what my still nervously trembling stomach will let me write. I have been a Vegetarian for 25 years now, so cannibalism is as far from my mind as removing my own brain through my nose or joining the Republican Party.

“Der Knochenmann” is based on the novel by Wolf Haas, published in 1997. The movie is part of a crime thriller trilogy revolving around private investigator Simon Brenner (the other two are “Komm, süßer Tod” and “Silentium!”). Wolf Haas also wrote the screenplay, making major changes for the screen version.

Director Wolfgang Murnberger plays on the morbid charm and laconic way of life typical for Austria and spices it up with social criticism. The depiction is realistic but occasionally bordering on comical, wisely. The satirical wit is translated well onto the screen with an extra topping of suspense. The photography is well done. Throw in an interesting (however sometimes over-present) score by the Sofa Surfers, some great acting by Josef Hader, Josef Bierbichler (Löschenkohl) and Birgit Minichmayr (Birgit) and you get something that tastes a lot like chicken – or murder.

Tasty!

Popularity: 4%

I am a fan of Alex Proyas. Scratch that, I am a BIG fan of Alex Proyas, and with due reason: the guy makes kick-ass movies. At the new avant-garde of today’s film market I place him and David Fincher on top as the most visually creative and overall talented directors out there (yes, I like Michael Bay but I just have a shit-load of fun with his movies, it’s something else). And Proyas, while not very active at feature-length moviemaking, had a pretty much spot-free track record until now. For those still lost, here’s the short version:

“The Crow” was awesome… It was shot with very little money, the star got killed in the middle of production, and it kicked ass. “Dark City” was almost equally cheap, but even so it is one of the most visually tantalizing science fiction films in history, with one of the smartest plots to boot. “I, Robot” could have been his ruin due to the big budget and one very big star involved. It was fun, had amazing action scenes and it challenged our technology dependent minds. Phew.

Now Proyas presents us with what could possibly be one of the coolest plot outlines in recent memory. Something that, in the hands of any other director could mean just another dark mystery-movie, but in the hands of Proyas can become something amazing, something… MONSTROUS.

Nicolas Cage plays John Koestler, a widowed parent who teaches Astro… something at the MIT. After his son picks out a letter, filled with numbers, from a time capsule written by a girl fifty years ago (and buried in the ground since then), John starts to wonder if those numbers mean something. The horrible truth that he finds out is that the numbers are the dates and number of killed in all major disasters (both natural and unnatural) of the last fifty years. Even worse, some of those “predictions” haven’t happened yet… Now I, as a screenwriter, was loving it until now, but then a second trailer showed that: EVEN FUCKING WORSE, some spooky dudes dressed in black are after his son… Oh, why not keep it simple?

I was willing to forgive Proyas… He probably had something planned for the spooky dudes, but NO!!! YOU HAVE TO HAVE SPOOKY DUDES TO REMOVE ALL THE MYSTERY IN THE FUCKING MOVIE!!! You have a list of numbers, disasters that threaten to kill a shit-load of people, and you still need people dressed in black chasing our hero and his boy around??? And who are these people, you might ask? Well, I can’t tell you because I would spoil the ending, but just be warned: have your bucket to puke in when it gets there, BECAUSE THE BRILLIANT ALEX PROYAS JUST WENT ON AND USED THE SAME EASY ESCAPE FOR A MYSTERIOUS SCREENPLAY TO GIVE THE ENDING CLOSURE AND HAPPINESS!!!! I swear to God, the movie had me glued to my chair until the last twenty minutes, where I started crying like a little girl, out of shame, anger and utter disgust.

Now… Proyas isn’t all lost. Technically, this movie is a rock-solid thrill ride, with even the dudes in black providing some valid suspense until the very, very, very disappointing finale. The by now infamous plane crash scene is all it promises and then some more, with 3 uncut minutes of mayhem and destruction, something I imagine only Proyas could execute with such precision, intensity and cruelty.

Nicolas Cage plays a solid, troubled dad, with good displays of affection to his son and some trouble to let go of his wife. Rose Byrne is also a joy to watch, with convincing emotions throughout the movie. The kids leave a little to be desired, but it is never easy to find convincing young actors, and in my opinion they did their jobs just fine.

A special note goes out (again) to Marco Betrami, whose eerie music-queues reminded me of the great disaster movies of the times of black and white. The introduction, showing the earth from space, with very dark toned music, only a few violins that feel like they’re playing directly into your spine, sets the mood for the whole movie, and it just gets better as the situation escalates.

And escalation is the name of the game in “Knowing”. It is hard to explain what it feels to watch it without spoiling the ending, but with all its flaws (a BIG ONE at the end) the movie stayed with me for a few days… It seriously disturbed me, and I’ve been thinking about it, digesting it. Aside from its many subliminal messages, “Knowing” had an effect on me (and many others, I believe), leaving a little bitter taste at the back of my mouth… Like something is seriously wrong with this world.

I would never go as far as to say that “Knowing” is a movie that shouldn’t be seen. It is an amazing experience, that just closes very, very wrong. It is a movie about fate, faith, letting go, that just ignores all its qualities and takes a big dump on them in the last twenty minutes. But nonetheless, it is an AMAZING movie if you choose to forgive this one, major flaw.

PS: with our new, beautiful, O.o.m.A. section, I will be writing a spoiler-filled report on how I would have developed the plot in “Knowing”… It is easy to bash technical aspects of a screenplay and have a big laugh, so I feel that it is my professional responsibility to suggest something better. If it IS better or not… Well, that is up to you.

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